BY GOD'S GRACE

  In several seasons of my faith-walk, I always want to get beyond the "first year of".  My "first year of" that I focus, more specifically, is the completion of the first year of a love one's Absence.  Today, January 22, at 7:10 pm is the completion of my "first year of"  the Absence of David, eldest son.  

In my mind's eye, grief is like a mountain range with numerous valleys. For me, the victory is that by God's grace, I made it through the first year.  Personally, my climbing in and out of valleys, falling down, getting back up, and climbing higher has been the roughest.  Grief is not the easiest climb for me, but I do know that Father God, my Father of compassion and all mercies, has been so gracious to instruct, lead, hold me close, pull me out of the valleys where it can be dark with emotions of loss, and to encourage me to press on when hurt and tears want to be the schedule of the day.  

This is not to say that grief is over, but really to acknowledge that by God's grace, I did not sink into the valleys and just slog around there for this first year.  Because of my love for the Lord, for David, and my the rest of my precious family, I want to press on.  Because of the Absence of David, I am again, "forever changed" with a clearer focus of life.  

Today, I honor David Phillip Simmons born July 1, 1968.  He was a servant-heart and even as a young child got in the way "helping".  David was always private in expressing his deepest emotions, and too often that quietness was interpreted by others as having no emotions or being uncaring.  As a child, David made a decision to receive the Lord as His Savior, and in talking with him the last years, he shared that he had his own way of expressing his commitment to the Lord and it was his!  I refuse to make David "bigger" in death than in the life that he lived, yet he took on most activity with great tenacity...he was a fighter to live. He also was a fireman-paramedic, first responder, a fighter to ensure safety from a fire or accident, or keeping one alive delivering to the hospital.   I am grateful to have been his mother.  I celebrate his life today.  By God's grace, I made it through the "first year of".  Forever learning.  In process.  #IHAVETHREESONS.