MY PERSONAL GRIEF
Mr. Webster gives this description for grief: "intense emotional suffering cause by loss, disaster, etc; acute sorrow, deep sadness." I am not exactly a stranger to the loss of loved ones. I have to admit that with each death, my grief has felt differently because the loved one has been a loving grandmother, a father, a husband, and now a son. Please know this is my own "take" on what I feel as grief.
I am so grateful that my loss of David was not as an infant, child, or teen. Because he was so ill and his body so very frail from the side effects of radiation, chemotherapy, stem-cell transplant, Sepsis, graft-versus-host, and all the daily meds taken to control anti-rejection of the transplant, HOW COULD I WANT HIM HERE IN THE AGONY HE FACED AT TIMES?
I don't think I am experiencing the intense emotional suffering, but I do have deep sadness missing him, and sadness for his wife, Kelly, and their sons, Jonathan and Jarrett. He lived in the area, but not with us in our home, and that does make the sadness different. Being a spouse or a child, the grief, I think would be even greater and more deeply felt, maybe the deep emotional pain. Absence is not the only loss for the spouse and the children...income, protection, being a cheerleader for them, security, and stability are but a few of the losses. As mother, my deep sadness is missing out on so much that he loved and to further see what God would be doing in his life to conform him to the image of His dear son which is His purpose for each of us.
At this present point, after two months, the sadness is still very fresh, but I cannot just focus on the sadness of the loss. 1. Because I am a Christ follower, I choose to believe that I will see David again in heaven which God has so graciously prepared for His children. 2. I believe that in accordance with the Scripture John 11:25-26 that David is alive, "I am the resurrection and the life, he who believes in Me shall live even if he dies and everyone who lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this." 3. I choose to believe that the Lord God can make this loss fruitful for His name, His sake, and all of David's loved ones' sake. Romans 8:28, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." In His own timing, the good will come about for our spiritual welfare and not "happily ever after."
In closing, I am really okay and satisfied. I do have a deep sadness that is present and will remain, but I am motivated by His Spirit to live on until He calls me home. David's death has reminded me how terminal I am, and I must finish well to the glory of the Lord Jesus. Grateful to be alive, loving more sons, daughters, and grands, and in process of being conformed to the image of Jesus...at times, there is sadness and pain in the process, but there is joy in knowing that I am eternally HIS and HE is MY life. In process...ever being reshaped! #IHAVETHREESONS
I am so grateful that my loss of David was not as an infant, child, or teen. Because he was so ill and his body so very frail from the side effects of radiation, chemotherapy, stem-cell transplant, Sepsis, graft-versus-host, and all the daily meds taken to control anti-rejection of the transplant, HOW COULD I WANT HIM HERE IN THE AGONY HE FACED AT TIMES?
I don't think I am experiencing the intense emotional suffering, but I do have deep sadness missing him, and sadness for his wife, Kelly, and their sons, Jonathan and Jarrett. He lived in the area, but not with us in our home, and that does make the sadness different. Being a spouse or a child, the grief, I think would be even greater and more deeply felt, maybe the deep emotional pain. Absence is not the only loss for the spouse and the children...income, protection, being a cheerleader for them, security, and stability are but a few of the losses. As mother, my deep sadness is missing out on so much that he loved and to further see what God would be doing in his life to conform him to the image of His dear son which is His purpose for each of us.
At this present point, after two months, the sadness is still very fresh, but I cannot just focus on the sadness of the loss. 1. Because I am a Christ follower, I choose to believe that I will see David again in heaven which God has so graciously prepared for His children. 2. I believe that in accordance with the Scripture John 11:25-26 that David is alive, "I am the resurrection and the life, he who believes in Me shall live even if he dies and everyone who lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this." 3. I choose to believe that the Lord God can make this loss fruitful for His name, His sake, and all of David's loved ones' sake. Romans 8:28, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." In His own timing, the good will come about for our spiritual welfare and not "happily ever after."
In closing, I am really okay and satisfied. I do have a deep sadness that is present and will remain, but I am motivated by His Spirit to live on until He calls me home. David's death has reminded me how terminal I am, and I must finish well to the glory of the Lord Jesus. Grateful to be alive, loving more sons, daughters, and grands, and in process of being conformed to the image of Jesus...at times, there is sadness and pain in the process, but there is joy in knowing that I am eternally HIS and HE is MY life. In process...ever being reshaped! #IHAVETHREESONS
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