WHEN I CAN"T UNDERSTAND

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  I well recall driving home from the hospital with the radio blaring the gospel song, "When Answers Aren't Enough, There is Jesus".  I confess at that point in my "firewalk" of faith, I was not even sure Jesus would suffice the swirling sea of loss that I was feeling.  My heart cry then was, "FATHER, I DON'T UNDERSTAND!  That was some 24 years ago, but the feelings that arise out of that loss are still very pungent and fragile in my memory.  I was reminded over and over again that my Father's ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts.  Yet, I wanted His ways and His thoughts to be mine!  At the first of the year when I had to offer up the one I had held in my arms as a newborn some 48 years ago, I had to offer him back up to the Lord and only this time for keeps, the heart aches.  Being older in the Lord, causes me to again confirm that I don't understand His ways in all of His actions, yet, I am willing to hang on to the TRUTH, " That God is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him." Lamentations 3:25. By faith, He has brought good out of the loss of a husband, and I continue to trust by faith, that God will bring good out of the loss of a son.  Now by faith, I trust for these that You have entrusted me. 

All of these thoughts bombarded my heart as I received my group of Moms whom I will have the privilege of attempting to mentor in a ministry.  One of my girls lost her mother last year, one of my girls lost her father last year, and now one of my precious moms is experiencing a difficult time with a pregnancy that could mean loss before birth.  I have to confess God is good and He is working all things for our spiritual good and His glory...even though I may and don't understand!  My prayer will continue to be, "Father, thank You for grace in knowing You are good, and that You know what You are doing.  Thank You that You certainly know how fragile I am and that I don't always understand.  That You for continuing trust to stand in faith.  Please give lavish grace and mercy to my precious moms."  Ever learning!  In process!  #IHAVETHREESONS

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